Okay, okay, I'm doing it. I'm going to build a new website using Django which, from the getting started guide, looks a lot like Ruby on Rails.

I haven't done any significant development on this site in ages. Mostly it was because I felt the design was broken and it would take too much work to get it to be anything close to something better. But that's the whole freedom you get with a redesign from scratch. I'm not limited to staying within the bounds of what I currently have.

The new site is going to focus on my musical creations. I already have descriptions for each song, which I wrote when uploading them. But until now I've never had anywhere to display those descriptions. I should probably draft a formal TODO list, but for now I'm planning on adding a more intuitive music playing interface, separate blog and music sections, and Facebook connect and OpenID integration. If you're friends with me on facebook and you log in with Facebook connect, there will be a log that you visited the site (and a log of what songs you listened to). I'll also integrate my twitter feed. Those last two ideas, the log and the twitter feed are inspired by Eric Mill's website.

I want my new website to be interactive. I'm going to make it so that you can change the color scheme and background picture not just for you but for everyone who visits the site. Does that sound gimmick-y? Because to me it just sounds like fun. I'm also hoping that I'll be able to eventually integrate Twoopsaphone into the site. I wonder if I can integrate my Facebook wall somehow.

So right now I'm full of big dreams. The only thing stopping me is the knowledge that no matter what I change, still no one will read my shitty blog. :(

I just finished reading about the top 10 highest grossing movies of the year on Yahoo. The strange part is that I feel like I couldn't name 10 movies that came out this past year if I tried. Although all of the names of the movies were familiar, my memory simply doesn't have the stuff to generate even half of that list.

Now it's easy to mark me down for lack of interest in the subject on movies. I haven't been to the movies since Bruno....when was that, May? But even in areas where I have a high degree of professed
interesting, I can't keep things straight anymore. I can barely remember who pitched in the bullpen for the Sox this year, and when asked point blank if we had traded Buchholz during the season, I couldn't remember for the life of me.

I just get anxious that my life is so transient. I live day after day but none of it seems to make any lasting impression. I can't tell you, truthfully, if I'm doing subjectively better or worse than I was this time last year, or this time 6 months ago, or even this time last month. What did I do for thanksgiving again?

There is a common idiom in American culture that if you consider a glass to be half empty you are a pessimist, and if you consider it to be half full you are an optimist. Because of this cultural idea, a half full glass is different than one that is half empty. The difference exists only in our minds however, and therefore I say it is not real.

Perhaps the person who considers the glass half empty is also an optimist, because he or she considers, optimistically, that the half that was emptied was enjoyed. Perhaps the person to whom the glass is half full is a pessimist, because it's full of the same bullshit that he or she deals with every day in his or her life; just more shit to shovel.

So at this point I'm pretty sure that I'm going to need to either go to a tax counselor or directly to jail. I owe the IRS thousands of dollars, and I'm pretty sure that I've yet to pay a dime of it. Mostly because I was unemployed and didn't have a dime to pay.

How did I get in this mess? Independent contracting. It's the devil's work, I tell you. You get these big fat checks with no taxes taken out and it's like 'Party time woot!'. But really, you owe a third of it to the government. Like I've ever been able to save anything.

And it gets worse. I did more contracting this year, so there are thousands more dollars out there that should have gone to the government that I spent instead.

I guess I should just wait until I owe tens of thousands of dollars, and then settle for 653 bucks...like those people on TV.

"And in the end / The love you take / Is equal to the love you make"

I was listening to Abbey Road today during my morning commute and this part of the album brought me to tears. The reason was because I suddenly interpreted it to mean that there is no love in the world, not one bit. Love is a zero sum game and whenever someone takes some it's because they made it. There's none left over for anyone else.

Honestly that's how I've been feeling. I used to believe that love was abundant, that every smile, every laugh creates more love than we know what to do with (which is why a smile from a stranger can be arresting or even embarrassing). Now it feels like love is a scarce resource. If you happen to create some, you need to preserve it and be very selective with whom you share it.

I don't like the new feeling. I feel the urge to share love with every person I see shuffling groceries or spinning their iPod dial on the T. I want to grab their hands and start dancing, smiling. I want to teach everyone in the world to laugh, and compete to tell the silliest jokes that make you slap your forehead but you can't stop laughing.

In short, I want the love I make to be MUCH greater than the love I take. Maybe this one time McCartney was wrong!